Last March....

Spontaneity is not much of me anymore, since I went in this city and stayed in it, I lost a bit of the sense of pureness and unpredictabilty that I was before I arrived. It must have been a cause of over romantizing the idea of staying and being here in Metro Manila. I never really thought it could turn me sad at the lowest point since I thought I would be busy doing a lot of things in this big place. Unfortunately I was wrong and overrated things that I wanted. Actually, I've never really done any of the things that I wanted, since most of them here would require me of to either lay out my plans or at the very least organize a schedule in a day's course to achieve things. I never really want to achieve much, neither was I built to compete with everyone. I didn't brought-up myself like that. I hated to act like one much more be one...I don't care if I don't make much sense in their industrial race what I care about is that I make sense in my own pure way, sure thing is that its eating me up alive. Missed the Incubus concert, I would have worked my ass off to get a fuckin ticket but unfortunately I spent my money on the most important things. Dang, 5 years ago I would have worked my way out just to get there even without a ticket and pogo or ruined the mosh pit with most of my chicken dance and shits...Good thing i had a hell of a blast in a reggae gig two weeks ago and and showed my eccentricities of the youthful world that I have to the new generation that was more of a spectator rather than be participants. creating a rain of beer in a sweaty mosh pit and banging my head to the tunes and crying lyrics of a Bob Marley song. Kid's look at me like i was a sheep that just got out a cage. now i wonder, are these kids growing on a manufactured culture and second-hand arts? my guts says they are...our parents said were damned then, i say generations now are burnt... Since Cobain died I guess our generation had to compromise our angst and deal with the longing that a hero one day would emerge and would blasphemously proclaim "I'm Back!" I'd like to believe id be there when Whomever shouts that angst. Right now I'd be okay listening to Ross' voice humming his way to hopefullnessville and more Fuckin Paolo santos crap revivals... (A post from another journal, i wrote it march 2004. la pa ko maiisip isulat eh...)